Living Solo

It's been a year (and 8 days) since I started living on my own in my own rented flat. While I enjoyed living with my friend and my brother, I must say, living on my own is as equally enjoyable, if not more.

I am not pressured to clean the house every weekend. Though I still clean every weekend, at least, I know that if I feel like skipping it, it's no biggie. :)

I can walk naked -- from the bathroom to the bedroom, that is. Especially on a day when I put my bath towel in the laundry and I forgot to grab a new towel before hitting the shower. I don't think I can walk naked in any other area of my flat. In my previous one, I have windows everywhere and the ones beside the main door are the only windows with roller blinds na see-through pa rin once the lights are on. In my current apartment, there are big, sliding glass doors in my living and dining area and a big glass window in my bedroom. Both of them have roller blinds also, see-through din except the one in the bedroom. So yeah, I will not give my neighbours a free show, you know. HAHA!

I don't have to cook everyday kasi ako lang naman ang kakain. The meals that I cook on weekends will last for the whole week.

On that note, I also spend less on groceries.

I own all the space so I can place my things anywhere, without invading/occupying my housemate's space.

And since I own a bigger space now, I have more room for my clothes. I mean, for my projects. I have my own mini-office/studio.

I have peace and quiet as soon as I get home. Okay, it's not as if my friend and my brother were loud or I didn't enjoy their company but I have days when I just don't want to talk to anyone or I just want to be alone. When my brother moved in with us, he and I shared a bedroom and hindi rin naman malaki yung apartment namin before na may pwede akong taguan or gawing hideout. Haha!

SUPER LAPIT KO SA WORK! I have no issues with commuting but damn, iba pala yung convenience ng malapit sa work. I save so much time!

Once you live on your own, I don't think you would want to go back to living with someone -- on a housemate level, specifically. Of course, case to case basis yan, depends on where you are in your life. Yes, iba pa rin when you live with your family. Or you realised na mas gusto mo pala ng may kasama. Or, obviously, when you get married to the person you really want to share your home with. But in my case, I had to and I also felt like it was time na din to do so. Kind of similar to when I decided to move here to Australia 7 years ago (today! Grabe, parang kelan lang). And also, afford ko na din magbayad ng rent mag-isa eh. Haha!

And yes, 7 years ago today... I don't know if I'll stay here after I graduate from design school though. I'm aiming to work outside Australia, God willing. And then maybe move there? I don't know. I'm just blabbering these thoughts out there. Iniisip ko din kasi how will I be able to afford a house here later on. Real estate prices here are getting ridiculous every year so I'll have a better chance (and survival rate because di ako mababaon sa mortgage! Hahaha!) of buying a property elsewhere na mas cheaper. Of course, if there will be a good work opportunity here for me, as a budding designer, who am I to say no, right? Oh well, let's just wait and see...

End of another decade

I thought of looking back and evaluating how the past 9-10 years of my life were. You know, to get into that end of a decade/yearend spirit. I sought the help of an old friend named Facebook (We go way back in 2009, hence, a good starting point! If Multiply did not cease to exist, it would have been a better reference.) because we (people my age and younger) all did, at one point in our lives, shared too much stuff there. Back when it was kind of a safe and nicer place, your parents and extended family did not care about its existence and your friends just talk about a lot of things (It was refreshing how pleasant the exchanges were on that section! It was kind of scary how unperturbed we were about our privacy though) on each other's Wall, statuses and comments instead of doing it through personal inboxes. Anyway, I didn't go as deep as I intended to because:

1. I spent too much time reading the convos and witty banters on the things I posted or was tagged to me. 
2. I couldn't help looking at every album I posted and how young my friends and I look in the photos. Physically young. We are still young at heart, thank you very much. Haha! 
3. It also reminded me of the homo sapiens who broke my heart. Hahaha! Wag na natin balikan yun. But truth though? It was nice to look back pala. There were good memories there, I must say. Of course, I did not forget. But I am no longer cringing by the thought of how pathetic I was. Hahaha!

I was also reminded of my accomplishments and milestones (which was reassuring and therapeutic because there are days when I feel like I've barely done anything and I'm heading to whatever it is and who knows where) such as graduating from uni (3 times and another one coming up. But who's counting? Haha!), studying and eventually moving overseas (best decision I ever made so far), traveling a fair share, living independently and slowly turning into a semi-domesticated chick I once thought I will never be (HAHA!), trying new things, meeting more people, Mavs winning a championship (Sobrang over the moon ko nun, I wrote an open letter to the team! #MFFL) and still alive and kicking (or so I think! HAHAHA!) this adulting thing.

And if there were highs, there were lows such as entering the workforce just to slowly kill my morale right from the get-go with shit pay (I know. I should be grateful. But keeping it real here), nearly losing my brother to some fucked-up strangers (which hasn't really come up in family conversations for a long time now), being betrayed by people I trusted (See the trend there? This is why I am extra careful and why I am kind of suspicious/paranoid about some people. Also, I obsessively read and watch a lot of crime-related stories and shows, too, so that is not helping. HAHAHA!).

The main takeaway is, (as always, dami kong hanash!), it was not perfect but it was good. The decade started with me feeling lost and confused as I transition into another stage of my life and a different level of responsibility. Being thrown into the real world on your own after 20 years of having a set plan laid out for you or following the normal, basic steps to take was daunting as it was enlightening. Oh, it was a ride. Innumerable series of trial and error. It pushed me to explore and to toughen up. Nothing can ever really prepare you for it. We all have to work our own way through it. And it never stops. Now, fast forward to 10 years later, while I already accomplished some goals I set for myself, I'm still busting my ass off to get to where I really want to be and everything else that I want to achieve. What is it that they say? Great things take time, right? The next few years, even the next decade, will be tough and scary but exciting. And that's a story we all have to wait to happen.

For now, let's raise a glass:
To good health, to achieving dreams and to new people and places, more memories and better experiences for this coming year and the next decade; 
To my family and friends (you know who you are!) who never wavered with support and love and helped me to get to where I am now; 
To the people who doubted, rejected and broke us and turned us into stronger individuals;
And (actually, grab the whole bottle for this one) to the person we are now and are becoming. We all deserve a pat at the back (and that bottle!) for making it this far and still going, hey! 

May we all have a brighter and blessed new year!

Tokyo: Anecdotes and Musings

Ah, Tokyo.

More than two weeks ago, I flew to this city as I was selected by my university to do an exchange program with Bunka Gakuen University and an internship with a Japanese fashion company. Of course, I was excited when they informed me that I was among the 8 people selected for the program!

In true Jana fashion, anecdotal mishaps are always expected. I rarely get a smooth sailing trip. Something funny, stupid or annoying happens, which creates good memories and great stories, I will admit. And sometimes, just when I thought, "Yeah, I think we're okay," something happens the next second, right on cue. Hahaha! Nothing horrifying or traumatic though, thank God! I intend to keep it that way. Universe, do you hear me? Let's keep it that way, okay?

First up in my anecdote: train ride from Narita airport to Shinjuku
So I bought a ticket for the NEX train. I ran to the platform when I noticed I only had a minute to get on it. I dashed inside the first carriage door I spotted. As I rolled my luggage inside and spotted a vacant space to place it, I overheard a lady behind me talking about seat numbers. I didn't know that I should be aware of seat numbers! I looked at my ticket. Yes, there is a date and some extra numbers. I Google Translated it to check which numbers are which. The other one is the seat number. I looked for that seat and sat on it. The other number is the carriage number. Oh, shit. I could be in the wrong carriage. But how will I know which carriage am I? I opened up Google and double-checked how to read the ticket, in case Google Translate is wrong (yeah, right) or I (oh, for sure!) read it wrongly. Eventually, I realised the carriage number is flashed on the TV screen onboard. Good to know that I was actually in the right carriage as per my ticket! Okay, I can relax now. I'm good. When we got to Tokyo station, we had to stop for a few minutes because the train was to separate. I tried to analyse the photo flashed on the screen. I panicked because as I understood it, the carriage I was in will stay behind at the station. Oh, hell no! But no one seems to be moving in the carriage that I was in so I convinced myself that I'm really overthinking this train situation. Then, the carriage moved, alleluia. I put my headphones on and sat peacefully in the train.

Anecdote 2: My battery died
I got off at Shinjuku station. I was supposed to meet one of the professors from Bunka and he will bring me to my accommodation. I texted him via Whatsapp when I got out of the station. I was about to send him a photo of where I was standing BUT MY BATTERY DIED. OH, HELL NO SHIT SHIT SHIT WTF. Okay, hold up. I know what you're thinking. Fact: No, I am not the type of person who carries a powerbank. Don't judge me. I am old school. I carry an actual charger. Which, unfortunately for me, was inside my luggage at that time. No, I did not and will not open my luggage in the middle of Shinjuku station. I would rather cry. Hahaha! I tried to ask around where the nearest payphone is. I saw one at the airport train station so I figured every station has it. However, no one could understand me. One pointed me to a location I did not get at all. I was almost in tears when I realised I have my iPad with me. Lightbulb moment: I could email him instead! And hope that he will see my email straight away. Which he did, about 15 minutes after I sent it. Okay, progress. I waited for 15 more minutes and called my brother via Messenger (who was already asleep because I completely forgot I was in a different timezone. Haha!). Before I could even relay to him what happened and what I needed him to do (which was to contact this professor for me through his Whatsapp), the professor came up to me. It was our first time meeting and I almost hugged him out of sheer relief and joy. I felt so embarrassed putting him through a stressful night that I kept apologising. It was an intense night for both of us.

Anecdote 3: Completely forgot to take off my shoes!
When we got to the dormitory, the professor and the manager showed me where my room is. I pushed my luggage into the room and I completely forgot to take off my shoes. Geez, Louise! I took one step beyond the area where we should leave the shoes and they called me out (in a very nice way since they are Japanese and they are very nice). I'm Asian, I should know that! And I know, it was embarrassing! Then they toured me around the dormitory and showed me where the nearest bus stop is going to uni and at my internship place.

It was pretty late when we bid goodbye to each other. I only had an hour to spare before my curfew (Yes, I had a curfew because it's a dormitory and I am a college kid. Haha!) to grab dinner. Luckily, Lawson is literally beside the dormitory. Yassssss! I have abused the convenience stores during my stay in Tokyo. I think I am more of a Lawson loyalist (Haha!), not just out of convenience because of its proximity, but I find they have better food, too.

Anecdote 4 (and 5, 6, 7... 40! HAHAHA!): Got lost
Need to say more??? Wrong turns on the road or at the station, wrong train, wrong stop, wrong bus. Name it, I did it.

The next day was my orientation day at Bunka and I was late because, you guessed it correctly, I got lost. So much for first impressions! Another embarrassing moment, yes. There's more, wait for it.

Anecdote 41: Japanese Mass
Even when I'm traveling, I always try to attend Mass on Sundays. Even if it means Masses in languages I do not speak or understand. :) The lovely grandma who sat beside me during the Mass wondered why I wasn't touching the songbook and singing my heart out to Jesus. So much so, being the cute grandma that she is, she grabbed the book, opened it and laid it out in front of me, thinking I would get the message. I got the message, grandma. Clearly. Hahaha! But I didn't do anything. Her next step was not subtle. She grabbed the book and tried to hand it to me and made a gesture suggesting that I should sing. I responded politely that I do not know how to speak or read Japanese, which I really hoped she understood. Ah, that grandma was really cute.

Okay, if you're easily grossed out by TMI and, I don't know, medical stuff (?), stop scrolling! Or scroll down to the end. 

Anecdote 42: Fainting and vomiting inside the plane
Scene-stealer in the house! HAHAHA!
Okay, this is the second fainting episode and third vomiting episode (happens consecutively, too. YAAAYYY.) during a flight. It happens during that split second of semi-awake/semi-asleep moment when you just want to change your position (Fortunately for me and my dignity, it happens when the plane lights are already off and almost everyone's already asleep). I'm guessing it could be orthostatic hypotension, plane food, plane temperature and/or cabin pressure. With this recent incident, I'm thinking maybe it was caused by dehydration and starvation? I was hungry when I boarded the plane and maybe I ate too fast when they served the food? Also, I had my period at that very moment, simultaneously. When they gave me oxygen and asked me to lie down on the empty seats in the middle section of the plane, I felt the cramps (HAHA! TMI! SORRY!). Great. Really? Now? Couldn't you wait until I got home? I waited for you last week and you didn't come, btw! So that's another reason, too. Fainting is kind of my thing. My family, some workmates and most especially, my friends (who I am usually with when it happens) have all witnessed my gracious downfall every now and then. Haha! The flight attendant asked me if I have motion sickness. I said, I didn't. I didn't think I have motion sickness because this didn't happen when I was on a cruise nor when I flew to the US and Europe, which were long haul flights. I also don't throw up or pass out on road trips. Anyway, my point is, I need to get myself checked. Maybe there are other reasons why I experience this. Then determine what precautionary steps I should take so that this will never happen again.

And that is it. The end of my funny and embarrassing stories! However, this trip did more than just provide me with funny stories to tell and new experiences. It was a trip I did not even realise I needed. A timeout. For myself. From the monotony. Ironically, I found the quiet and the need to just wander aimlessly in that busy city, in the midst of chaos at Shibuya Crossing, their overwhelming (but efficient!) transportation system and in between meals of amazing ramen, tonkatsu, sushi and more. It did not occur to me that I was burned out until my internship ended and I had to fly out the next day. I cried the moment I closed the door of the studio where I interned. I was crying as I walked to the station and while I was inside the train. I was able to somehow keep it together by not ugly crying in public but the tears just kept falling down. I cried in the middle of dinner with the other girls who were also in the program. When I got back to the dormitory, I just couldn't contain it any longer. I needed to let it all out. I sent a group message to four of my closest friends if I can talk to anyone of them and one of them responded and called me straight away. I picked up the call and just bawled my eyes out and let those feelings out (Shoutout to Lee! Thank you for painstakingly watching me ugly cry and for patiently listening and distracting me with stories in between). I did not want to go home at that time. I especially did not want to go back to work. Among the several trips I had done, it was my first time feeling that dread. Usually, I am just sad to leave but I was also looking forward to going back to my "reality." But that night? Man, I was just very sad. I thought, people were more than lovely and nice in Tokyo and I was doing what I want there so why the hell would I go back, right? On the other hand, I could have been just plainly hormonal, overwhelmed and tired. But that does not mean my feelings at that time were less valid. I will not deny that this trip did something to me, emotionally and mentally. It, as corny as this sounds, rejuvenated me. It enlightened me. It made me realise that I need to check in with myself from time to time and not just rely on my Netflix and my playlists to keep me sane. I need to go back to taking care of myself. I obviously neglected it as I was caught up with work, school, adult things that will never stop for anyone and more random things that life throws in between all of them.

That is the main goal for this new year (and for the rest of the coming years): Me being holistically healthy. My health above everything else.

You did that to me, Tokyo. Thank you.

Birthday.

Since I celebrated it with some friends last week, I opted to do it low-key today and spent the day with myself. Started the day with a workout, prepared a nice breakfast (bacon, eggs, waffles with hot choco made from tablea on the side given by a friend), talked to my family and some friends, watched Dirty Dancing, got a haircut, went to church, grilled a steak for dinner, drank a few glasses of wine, ate a slice of cheesecake for dessert, blasted 90s music and danced in my kitchen and bathroom. Now, I'm capping the night off with, not one, but two face masks. So yeah, it was a good day. Let's toast to another great year of pursuing dreams, good health and shaking what my Mama gave me (because I still can! HAHAHA!)

Thanks again to everyone who remembered! And if it's your birthday too, I hope you had a fabulous one!

New apartments, Design school, etc.

Hey, let's have a chat! (And I mean, me talking to a screen. Lol!)

I had this entry drafted since February! What was supposed to be just an update about my new apartment is now going to be almost a year's worth of update (as if anyone really needs an update about me. Haha!). So yeah, I had been busy with work and uni (When I got a sliver of free time, let's be real, I'm on Netflix. Or -- my new obsession -- BBC and SBS. Haha!).

Yes, you read that right, I am back to uni again. I currently study part-time at Whitehouse, doing my fashion design degree. I am finally doing it! Yayyyy! And I am loving it!

I remember feeling excited and nervous during my first day. It was all new to me. I believe I am creative enough but when we had the very first brainstorming activity for our design process journal, I felt that I was overthinking it instead of just letting those creative juices naturally flow. Or was I just rusty -- creatively speaking? And the next thoughts in my head were, "Omg, do I really have what it takes?," "Will I be good enough?" Then, I overwhelmed myself even more because I visualised internships, exchange student applications, student contests, etc. I was just getting ahead of myself. I eventually calmed myself down and psyched myself to just take it one day and one thing at a time and do my damn best.

So far, I think I am doing well. I am learning new knowledge and honing something I never knew was in me (I draw more decently now! Haha! And I paint now, too! I took a Fashion Illustration class back in Manila years ago. Ugh, I hated using paint and brushes because they are not erasable and harder to manipulate but now I don't mind at all), which is really exciting.

I met new people (Truth be told, I didn't think I'll be hanging out with teenagers. I initially did not really want to because, hello, generation gap? Hahaha! And I'm not in uni that often so I was like, why bother?). I got good grades (not sure about the 2nd term though but whatevs -- okay, not super whatevs, I need good grades if I want to apply for exchange student program so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's not too bad!). It can get a bit stressful working and studying at the same time. There are days when I just want to relax when I get home from work or during weekends but no, I still have assessments to do. Oh well, you gotta do what you gotta do!

Going back to uni is also the reason why I resigned from my other job as well.

I received these flowers and art books, among other things, back in February as a farewell and good luck gift from my now former colleagues. It was an emotional day. It was my longest job ever - 5-year mark supposedly the month after that. It was my first job since I moved to Sydney. I was still a student when they hired me. There was a reason why I stayed there for that long -- my super chill and kind boss and the amazing staff I work with. I once said (even my Mom said so) that I will never leave that place and if I do, it will be because I'll be pursuing a dream. And that day came. It was hard because I have to give up something dear to me. We shared too many memories together. We were like a family. It was bittersweet indeed but I sincerely felt the support and love. So, I will really do my best to make, apart from myself, them proud and to make it all worth it.

And while we are talking about pursuing dreams, a few months ago, I had a dream about me giving birth. I freaked out because I remembered it vividly the next day. Hence, in true Jana fashion, I turned to Google to help me look for its meaning if there is. Here's what I found:

Eerily amazing and apt, isn't it?

Another life adjustment that I did was moving out of the flat I shared with my friend for almost 4 years.

I moved mainly for convenience and space. The flat I moved in to was near my current workplace, just 10 minutes of commute. The space I need is for my future school projects. I need to have my own little studio/work area. I loved this flat (which, apparently, came with a good-looking and very nice neighbour whom I met over dinner they invited me to during my first night. Yaaasss!) and I am enjoying my own company!

My former landlord and brother helped me to move. It took me a week to finish unpacking and arranging the place. Since my workmates knew I moved and that I need stuff for my apartment that will fit my budget, they introduced me to Facebook Marketplace. Man, that section of the internet got me hooked, I tell you. I barely open my account but it made me access it just for that. Whenever I get a spare time at work, I kept checking it. I eventually bought my very first purchase in Marketplace -- my current fridge!

I had the specific dimensions that I wanted, a specific colour in mind and a strict limit to how much I am willing to spend. Three weeks later, I eventually found the perfect fridge, went to the owner's place to inspect it and paid her on the spot! She even knew someone who can pick it up and deliver it to my place the next day. It was a meant-to-be purchase. Haha! It took me three weeks of going back and forth to the shops to buy the most essential things I need, to fill my pantry and new fridge.

Then, 6 months later, I moved to another flat again. I was told that they will not renew my lease as a relative will be moving into that place. Omg, I was so stressed out because I needed to find a new place to live in and fits my budget within a month. I barely had time to look for and inspect rental units and to pack my junk all over again! I was also in the middle of the term in uni. I have to hire a mover and pay the bond. Ack! Not to mention, I felt at home already (Once or twice, I may have walked naked in my hallway. Haha!). I just had my flat-warming (if there is such a term? Haha!) a month prior. My family has visited before that and liked the place. When I found the one (and only one!) that ticks my non-negotiable requirements, I was practically begging the real estate agent to approve my application (not that she has a say on that really because she isn't the landlord! Haha!)

Boy was I over the moon when I found out my application was approved! I moved into this new place three weeks ago. Half of my things are already unpacked and properly placed. Half of them are just properly placed in a corner because I still need furniture to place them at. My mattress was also delivered a few days ago, still waiting for my base. It will take me quite a while to finish decorating my place since I'm currently living on a student budget and my bills take priority over my furniture. But we'll get there. I'm also planning to have another flat-warming next weekend! Yay!

Okay, this is getting way too long. Let's continue the chat in a different entry?

Reflections on 2018

Toxic people.
That was the highlight of my previous year. Or at least that's the first thing that came to my mind. It even trumped my new experiences from that year, I suppose. That was how shitty it was.

I mentioned in my previous year-end post that most of my 2018 were about letting go -- letting go of people who did not turn out to be the kind of person I thought they would be (In hindsight, I knew but I decided to still give it a try. Maybe they became mature enough. They weren't. I have never met anyone as fake, as shallow, as pretentious and as pathetic as them. It makes me wonder why did I even bother?), people who tried to ruined my morale and treated me like crap (I will not elaborate on this. Let's just simply say that work politics never gets old. It was all for the better in the end. I got another job with a better environment with a waaaayyyy better manager! I miss my former patients and colleagues though.). Who deserves those in their life, right? I have a lot and more reliable people in my life, people who appreciate my value as a friend, as a colleague and as a person.

Ah yes, more drama and disappointments.
But wait, there's more. Other than mentioned above. Petty arguments that were blown out of proportion. The immaturity of some people. The dishonesty. The deliberate concealment of things. How and why did we get here? I thought we were way better than this. I thought, at our age, we should be way past this crap. Well, that's what I thought. I guess that's what happens when you expect more from people.

New places.
There is an exhilaration associated with new places and/or new adventures, which is why I decided to spend my birthday by traveling. I celebrated my birthday in Baltics, Berlin, and Bali. It was my first time to visit those places as well so that was extra memorable. I loved my Europe trip. There was an overflow of history and culture, which I loved and expected from visiting Europe. I also met new people along the journey. It is always a pleasure to meet someone so random, especially, if you click right away.

Surprisingly, I enjoyed Bali. I hear a lot of crazy news about Bali here in Australia so when I went there, I mentally prepared myself for the worst case scenario. I was totally wrong. I loved it there. I loved the chill vibe, the food. The beach was nothing special, really. I had seen better but I think the whole island life vibe is what makes people come back. I think it would be my go-to place if I want to go for a quick getaway.

Isla de Gigantes was my first trip of 2018. I went there with my family. It was also gorgeous there. Peaceful. It reminded me how beautiful the Philippines is. I like that it is not as commercialised as other islands/beaches in the Philippines. I hope it remains as it is.

New and better job. Moving out. Design school.
It gets worse before it becomes better, isn't it? What happened with my previous job was apparently a sign and a push. After that incident, things unfolded on its own and eventually fell into their right places. Like it was what was really meant to happen. My new boss is supportive of my plans and she's more than willing to work with my schedule in school. That is very crucial for me - my reality (aka bills to pay, haha!) and dream have to mesh perfectly to make this really work. I found an apartment near my new work and has enough space that I need. The few surprises just before the year ended was a taste of how my 2019 would start and would be. I think these were my achievements for 2018.

Reconnected with my bestfriend.
We went through a rough patch. Generally speaking, we grew apart. However, time has a way of working things out on its own.

Reconnected with other friends.
During my last visit to the Philippines, apart from the usual people I meet up with, I also met up with people I don't usually see or talk to as often. It was a lovely time. I'm glad to know that I have people in my life that even though I don't see or talk to as often, they are still there. We easily picked up from where we left off. Our bond is still there.

Brought back the fringe.
Physically, that was (and still is) my only new feature. Haha!

Less reading and writing than I intended to.
Two of the things that did not go to plan. The rest are probably too minor that I couldn't even remember what they were. Some resolved eventually on it its own or took a better course, as mentioned earlier.

I noticed that I am nicer now (Yay? Hahaha!) especially to people who are foul to me. So far, my gut instinct never fails. I'm good at what I do, I suppose? (as evidenced by my previous colleagues and patients wanting me back and my new boss and new colleagues wanting me to work for and with them) Considering moving to Copenhagen after school. I learned what my love language is! Home shopping could be my new hobby. Newest pet peeve: Someone browses their social media accounts in the middle of group conversation. (Is that some form of a reflex now when you're bored or have nothing to contribute to the conversation?)
Some of the things I realised or learned about myself the past year.

And what now? What's for this year?
Well, I am going to have my eyes lasered. Yay! Gee, I'm excited and a little bit nervous at the same time. I've always worn eyeglasses since 3rd grade. I will probably feel like a new person after the procedure. I want to travel alone again this year. Maybe to Tasmania. Or another South East Asian country. I really want to go to New York also but I don't think I'll be going there by myself though. I hope I do well in school and manage my time accordingly between school and work obligations. I would really like to have a more productive alone time. I want to visit museums and libraries and watch movies in a cinema more often. Go for a walk or hike. Listen to more podcasts. I intend to write and read more and not just drown myself in Netflix. Haha! I bookmarked some writing prompts to help me keep going because I've been saying for the past two years that I'll get back to writing but I can't seem to follow through. I will write here and there at the beginning of the year and dwindle down to nothing, not even a single sentence, by the end. My notebook/blog will be totally forgotten by the middle of the year. Here's to hoping that the prompts will help. I don't care even if I have to write about the most basic topic like my favourite colour or fruit. I just want this to be my form of therapy again. It helps me to clear and to understand both my heart and head. While I was packing my books, I realised how much unread books I have on my shelf! It's embarrassing. Apart from reading and writing, my exercise regime was also forgotten. So I intend to bring more movement back to my days. I also want to do something new. I don't know what exactly though. Maybe something crafty? I'm also thinking of keeping my hair in its natural colour? I don't know why I have to include that. Haha! I've been growing out my previous hair colour anyway. Well, how about deactivating my Facebook account? Since 2015 or 2016, I'd been kind of inactive because too much shit is going on in there. At least in my news feed (It's called news feed, right?). I tried unfollowing some people and pages but I don't really find it as enjoyable as before. Seeing my feed sometimes makes me cranky even. Mostly because of news. There are days when I just want to pretend that I do not know and I do not care what the hell is going on elsewhere. I am just keeping it for virtual connection purposes, really. Speaking of social media, I will continue my seasonal relationship with social media. This is not me social media-detoxing. I just have those days when I can't even be bothered to open my accounts (and I am still alive. Haha!). There are also days when I am in the mood to post (a lot) or be a like-slut. I even manage to be completely off-the-grid for a day. Give me books or series to binge on and I can survive without it even longer. Oh, I need to buy furniture and to decorate and organise my flat! I probably need to declutter my things as well. Maybe I can sell some of my barely used items? Since I will be earning slightly less and spending more (maybe) for school and I also want to travel in between, I need to organise and review my finances and tweak my budget planner. Save up, woman, I am begging you. Haha!

This year will be full-on but do not forget to live a little. Say yes, if and when you can.

Here we go, let's do this!

You know that overwhelming feeling because you know that a big change, which is in your favour, is coming? You're scared. You're optimistic. You feel like crying. You're excited. You're stressed. But above of it all and regardless, that fire in your heart is burning more than ever. You're inspired and dedicated. You know that, by hook or by crook, you will go through it. You will make it happen.

What's this big change that I am talking about? It arrived yesterday in a form of an email -- my offer letter from Whitehouse Institute of Design! OMG. This is it. I. CAN'T. WAIT! Let's do this! AAAHHH!!!

I promised myself that once I get the chance, I will not let go again and set this aside. And here we are, about to take another gamble for the future. My head's kind of in a mess right now, anticipating and thinking about the changes and adjustments I have to consider or do. But my heart is stronger than ever. 14 years too late though but hey, I am here now. I owe it to myself. My passion deserves a chance. I deserve a chance to do something I have always wanted. I have always done what my family asked or wanted me to do in terms of career or job choices because, aside from avoiding an argument I will never win, I wanted to make them proud and I did not want to disappoint them. Don't get me wrong, I love them dearly and I know it was for my own benefit. And no matter how frustrating it made me feel, I completely understood where they were coming from. And that's what even makes it more frustrating -- they have a point. They always have. Perhaps, that's why it took me this long to do it. At the end of the day, I still needed their approval. However, more than anyone right now, the person I really want to make proud and I no longer want to disappoint is myself. I held on for as long as I could and now that I have the opportunity to do so, this time, ako naman.

So cheers to a new chapter. 
A restart. 
To chasing dreams, never giving up and making things happen.
(And to future empty bank account, sleepless nights and decline of my social calendar! Haha!)

The Sunday Currently: Volume 13

It's been a while!!! My last TSC entry was months ago! I'd been a bit busy, things happened here and there and I was away for quite a while to celebrate my birthday (which means heaps of travel stories to blog about). Anyway, let's get right into it!

R E A D I N G 

War and Peace

W R I T I N G 

in my journal

L I S T E N I N G

A playlist created by my friend and I in Spotify. Kinda old school, Sunday slow kind of hits.

T H I N K I N G
of what I should do next

Edit photos for my unpublished blog posts? Head to bed and read? Which series should I start next? I think I still have a few unfinished series. Or should I watch a movie? Post something on Instagram? Will I be accepted at Whitehouse? Should I move? Which suburb? Near work? When should I buy my ticket? How about that wallet? Or the bag? Or the jacket?

I could go on and on and on. Haha!

S M E L L I N G

shea butter body oil

W I S H I N G

I do well on my job interview this Wednesday!

Speaking of work, a lot has happened these past few months. I was let go from my other workplace for a reason I cannot divulge (or believe either). It was unfair and painful. I really loved working there. I love my workmates and my patients. Fortunately, I was able to get a new job straight away. Well, I got that job even before I was let go (one week before to be exact) because I knew something was up. In hindsight, it was still a good thing. I took it as a sign - a perfect time to go to design school - and I considered it as a form of a blessing still.

Just a few weeks ago as well, I found a weekend job, which was perfect because if, God-willing, I get accepted for design school, at least I already have a weekend job in case I need to give up my weekday work schedule.

And two weeks ago, I applied for another job which involves PM shifts. I had no idea or experience with the job but their job posting said that they are willing to train and experience is not really essential so I was like, yeah, why not. Let's do this. Last week, they rang me to schedule an interview for this week! Yay!

H O P I N G

I get that job and I get accepted at Whitehouse!

Because if I do get the job, at least, I could still work after school. My class and work schedule will not be in conflict. I get to study and pay my bills. I will be working less but at least I will still be earning to help tide me over from day to day.

And if I do get in at Whitehouse, OMG. That's the beginning.

W E A R I N G

mint green jumper and leopard print pjs

L O V I N G

the weather? Haha!

N E E D I N G

a back massage

F E E L I N G

excited and nervous

I feel like things are falling into their right places. I feel that good things are coming. I am claiming it.

C L I C K I N G 

Netflix

* The Sunday Currently link-up *

The Sunday (Monday) Currently: Volume 12

It's a Monday and a holiday (Queen Elizabeth's birthday). Since I wasn't feeling writing something yesterday, I thought of doing this today even it's not a Sunday.



R E A D I N G 

phone messages, tweets of people I follow

W R I T I N G 

what needs to be written for my final assessment

L I S T E N I N G

Unwind playlist in Spotify

T H I N K I N G
of what happened the past week.

It was emotionally intense. It was kinda crazy. It was overwhelming. It was draining.
I don't want to go into details because it is all very personal. But, I'm glad that I was able to think things through and I've spoken to people I needed to speak to in the past few days. It is already resolved from my end but it is still not case closed for the rest of the people involved so I'm hoping the issues will be further discussed and the people that still need to talk to each other and to patch things up will be able to do so. Maybe not now but, hopefully, soon.

S M E L L I N G

dinner

W I S H I N G

that the news about Anthony Bourdain's death was all a lie

But it wasn't.



A couple of days ago, my friends and I honoured him by eating good food and trying new dishes. Well, we already ate in SaltVine but we decided to try other dishes such as:

Lamb Kibbeh

Syrian String Cheese Cigars

And of course, we couldn't say no to their Zaatar fries!

And the Chargrilled Lamb Shoulder and Scotch Meshwi.

H O P I N G

they would figure things out and patch up

W E A R I N G

my winter gear - matchy-matchy flannel pjs.

L O V I N G

the DIY beach bag that I made



I found this rug in IKEA a few weeks ago.



I liked the stripes and the fabric as well. I thought it was too pretty to be used just as a rug... With some folding, pinning and sewing, I got myself a new beach bag. :)

N E E D I N G

to exercise

I'd been slacking off the past two weeks because winter just started and all I wanted to do is hide under the sheets. Then I had my monthly girly thing. Now, I feel so meh and guilty about it.

Speaking of monthly girly thing, last Tuesday, I almost passed out at work (Eksena as always. Hahaha!) because of cramps. I will spare you with all the gory details though. The funny thing was an hour before the incident, I was speaking to the mum of one of my patients about how lucky babies are because they can sleep anytime they want. Unlike the adults, they can't sleep anytime they want, case in point, when you are at work. Then after that, there I was, asleep on the bed of one of the doctors. Haha! Anyway, I'm just thankful that my colleagues were so sweet enough to take care of me. :)

F E E L I N G

relieved and grateful

My uncle's surgery was successful. He's not out of the woods yet but so far, so good. We will take it one day at a time. Thank you, Lord. :) And as I've mentioned earlier (refer to Thinking section above), I was able to process and discuss issues that were raised to my attention during the past week.

C L I C K I N G 

YouTube videos

If I'm not watching series or movies, I'm watching vlogs, travel videos and makeup tutorials from some of my favourite YouTubers.


As for an entirely different topic, My friends and I saw Priscilla, Queen of the Desert musical last Saturday.



I liked the story, the punchlines, the humour, the songs used and the costumes. However, I find that it was lacking a bit with the stage production (Well, there's not much you can do when the setting is at the desert or in the bus, I guess.) and... feelings? I'm not sure. There's something slightly off that I can't pinpoint. I was also uncomfortable that a Filipina was portrayed in a racist and sexist stereotype (But, true to some extent, unfortunately, let's not kid ourselves here). Apart from that, it's a good musical. I'm thinking of watching the film.

Sneaking in some ootd shots before dinner

* The Sunday Currently link-up *

The Sunday Currently: Volume 10

R E A D I N G 

skincare blogs (Honesty for your Skin, Detail Oriented Beauty and NiaPattenLooks)

I've always been interested in skincare because of my hormonal issues and the shitty skin that comes with it. I think I'm slowly turning into a skincare geek. Recently, I've been looking into organic, cruelty-free and vegan kind of brands.

W R I T I N G 

nothing?

L I S T E N I N G

80s music playlist

Janet Jackson, Madonna, and the likes.

T H I N K I N G
of trying out asap skincare and/or The Ordinary. Hmm.

S M E L L I N G

my body lotion

W I S H I N G

the money in my bank account is endless? Hahaha! 

A girl can wish.

H O P I N G

That the Airbnbs which I am eyeing for are still free!

W E A R I N G

flannel top and fleece pjs

L O V I N G

photo shoot that we did earlier today

So excited to see the final photos. Meanwhile, here's the preview:

Sorry for the blurred photo. This was just a screenshot of an InstaStory that my friend posted.

N E E D I N G

to buy a plane ticket for PH and to book our Airbnb in Berlin

Seriously. Parang ilang beses ko na sinabi 'to, di ko pa rin nagawa. Baka di na available yung mga bet ko!

F E E L I N G

accomplished

Headed to the mall after work and did my research on Thursday night for one of my assessments. Finished my assessment that night and submitted it the next day. Went to Ikea after work as well to do some shopping for our photo shoot props. Slept in for two days. Finished all house chores in half a day (OMG, sobrang Tita because considered accomplishment na ang sleeping in and house chores. Hahaha!) hence, chick flick movie night and drinks as reward thereafter. Photoshoot for our projects this morning (which I will share once my friend finishes post-processing the photos). Foodtrip with friends.

Beschico for lunch earlier! :)

C L I C K I N G 

Shopping online for skincare

I decided to try The Ordinary skincare first because it's cheaper. Lol.

* The Sunday Currently link-up *

The Sunday Currently: Volume 9

R E A D I N G 

Royal Wedding articles

It's so surreal. I used to watch her as Rachel Zane in Suits and now she's the Duchess of Sussex. I haven't watched the whole ceremony yet because I was out the entire day yesterday. I've seen some short clips and some photos though and she looked really lovely. I would have preferred her to have a minimal accent on her waist for her wedding gown (that's just me and my opinion does not really matter) but nonetheless, she looked really stunning. And Prince Harry looked like he was really over the moon, head over heels in love.

W R I T I N G 

Uhh, nothing?

L I S T E N I N G

Queen

Have you seen the Bohemian Rhapsody trailer? Omg. I am excited. This wasn't my time but I grew up knowing their songs because of my dad.

T H I N K I N G
Did I forget to renew my license?

S M E L L I N G

Something fishy.

W I S H I N G

I could sleep more.

Yesterday was tiring. I haven't had a chance to really sleep in as I was up at 5:30 in the morning on a weekend for a seminar. Then, my friends and I had lunch, watched Infinity War (I know, we're sooo late!), had dinner then headed to the concert.

H O P I N G

That my gut feeling is wrong.

W E A R I N G

pj's

L O V I N G

Imagine Dragons Evolve Tour



My friends and I saw Imagine Dragons last night. They were great.



The production, the lights was amazing. The energy was intense.



I loved the parts where they were just playing beats on their instruments. 



They dedicated songs to the victims of the Texas school shooting that happened that day as well and LGBT community.

Only sharing some photos as I cannot be bothered to upload videos but here's a link to my Instagram post if you want to check out some clips.

N E E D I N G

to get over how annoyed and sad Infinity War made me feel! 

Watching that was really stressful! I kept changing position on my seat and by the time the movie ended my skirt was up in my tummy (Luckily I'm wearing fleece stockings so it's thick. Haha!). Pardon my French but really, no nice words came out from my mouth while and after watching the movie.

F E E L I N G

Annoyed? Not really sure.

C L I C K I N G 

Royal Wedding photos

I am enjoying looking at the outfits of the guests. Haha!

* The Sunday Currently link-up *

The Sunday Currently: Volume 8

R E A D I N G 

still the same book

They said once you get past the first 100 pages, it's no longer a pain to read. It's true though. The first few chapters were cruel because the author was introducing different characters all at once! Once I'm past the first 100 pages, I'm reading it at my usual pace now. I've got a long way to go though.

Speaking of books, I purchased (and spent more than intended) some books last week. I only went into the bookstore because I wanted to buy a notebook.

W R I T I N G 

things I have to do for the week (as usual)

L I S T E N I N G

Imagine Dragons

Excited to see them next week!

T H I N K I N G
"How many CPD points do I still need?"

S M E L L I N G

hmm, the aroma of our dinner? Haha!

W I S H I N G

I won't see that one person at work tomorrow.

H O P I N G

To see 2 of my friends who are based in Queensland! 

I miss them so much. We spent four hours on video call last night catching up. Keeping our fingers crossed that our planned girls' trip-slash-bachelorette party will push through.

W E A R I N G

matchy-matchy flannel top and pjs

L O V I N G

the quaint cafe we went to yesterday - Pinto Sydney

So yesterday, my friends and I tried out Gogyo, a Japanese restaurant in Surry Hills, last week. I love the intimate ambiance, fancy vibe and minimalist interior. We ordered Gogyo Original Gyoza and Karaage Chicken for starters. I ordered Gogyo Tonkotsu for my main.

I loved the gyoza. The ramen and karaage was so-so. For me, I think it needs a bit more flavour.

Then, we headed to Pinto Sydney for dessert. I ordered butterfly pea latte and matcha roll. The matcha roll was yum. It had red bean filling in the middle. And how cute is this purple drink? Mine is the blue one but if you want whipped cream on this specific drink, it would look like this purple one.

N E E D I N G

a back massage!

F E E L I N G

reallllyyyy tiredddd 

I did all my chores in one day.

C L I C K I N G 

ideas/pegs for logo/label design

This is just for my assignment really. However, I'm thinking I could also use it when I submit my portfolio later on. So, I thought of consulting a friend of a friend, who is a graphic designer, and my cousin who also knows about graphic design. I feel like this is a big thing to do because I want it to appropriately represent me, my aesthetic and my work. Also, I want to make sure that it's design or style is something that I will stick with long-term.

* The Sunday Currently link-up *

The Sunday Currently: Volume 7

R E A D I N G 

same book
news articles
messages from family and friends

W R I T I N G 

this entry
things to do for the coming week on my planner

L I S T E N I N G

environmental sounds e.g. birds, car (Lol!)
some voices from the show (The Alienist) my brother is watching

T H I N K I N G
"Marami nga ba akong patients for tomorrow? I can't remember."

S M E L L I N G

chicken in the oven

W I S H I N G

I could sleep in everyday. Haha!

H O P I N G

for a good week ahead!

W E A R I N G

a shirt from an event in high school and pj's

L O V I N G

SaltVine!

I have been craving for their zaatar fries ever since I saw it on two of my friends' respective instagram pages. My friend and I ordered:

Avocado Zaatar Labneh

Zaatar Fries

Chargrilled Lamb Shoulder

Scotch Meshwi

And some cold lemonade (which I forgot to take a photo of). And I mean lemonade. Not sparkling. Not carbonated. Homemade. With a hint of orange blossom water though. That's the closest to legit lemonade I've ever had here.

(For complete menu, click here)

Then we headed to Kurtosh for dessert. I ordered Truffle Hazelnut Slab and peppermint tea while my friend ordered Mum's Chocolate Cake and iced mocha.



Good food, good company, afternoon well-spent indeed.

N E E D I N G

to fold my laundry
to iron some clothes
to prepare my outfits for the week and my work bag
to complete the required module prior to my CPR update next weekend

Which I will do next after I post this. ;p

F E E L I N G

happy :)

Spent an afternoon yesterday with one of my good friends since high school. He's here in Sydney for a vacation. It was good to catch-up.

See you soon!

C L I C K I N G 

Pinterest (and the fabulous pins that comes with it)

This is seriously becoming a hobby now. Haha!


* The Sunday Currently link-up *

The Sunday Currently: Volume 6

R E A D I N G 

still the same book

W R I T I N G 

passport application form

L I S T E N I N G

to Avicii songs

Unearthing some favourite videos from his set on Future Music Festival 2015. Last day of summer. The year before he retired from doing shows. I remember him and Drake were among the finales of the festival. My friend and I listened to Drake for a bit then ran towards the other side of the field to watch him perform because he was our priority that night. Omg, that was fun! It was crazy. We were a hot mess. He was amazing. We were glad that we at least saw him perform and partied with him before he retired. Not everyone can appreciate EDM but I hope he knew that everyone who appreciates his genre recognised how talented he was. Thank you for your beats. Thank you for your music. I hope you continue spinning there and make it a party place. This is sad. I'm so sad. Rest in peace, Avicii.

(More videos here)

T H I N K I N G 

what to cook for the week 

So I could buy items that I need when I go to the shops after work tomorrow.

S M E L L I N G 

Nothing. 

I currently have a cough and colds so I can't properly smell or taste anything.

W I S H I N G

Liam Ridley comes back in Dynasty!

Just when I grew fond of the Fallon-Liam tandem... I am shipping for them! But rumor has it that he might be the missing Carrington brother? Oh please, no.

H O P I N G

I don't get super sick. Especially not on this week.

Double dosed my Vitamin C. Loaded on Codral and fluids.

W E A R I N G

sleepwear!

Flannel shorts from my friend and long sleeved top

L O V I N G

my new haul from TK Maxx
the mini-celebration with my friends yesterday



We tried out Stretch Italian, a restaurant in Chatswood with the cheese-wheel pasta. Last time we had pasta in a cheese wheel was on my birthday dinner in 2015 at Buffalo Dining Club

N E E D I N G

shoulder pads, zippers, maybe some velvet ribbon or trimming - for my project

F E E L I N G

sad. Still sad.

Woke up yesterday to the news of Avicii's death. :(

C L I C K I N G 

food websites for some healthy food recipes

* The Sunday Currently link-up *