I've been meaning to write an entry about this last month but I just couldn't find time to sit down and really gather my thoughts since I was pre-occupied with the merriment of the recent holiday season. I've seen this
report on Yahoo and just followed the links on the article and found her on YouTube. It was about an acne-stricken lady that does amazing make-up and has awesome make-up skills, hence, she was able to cover up the unwanted and "unnecessary objects" in her face and be a model.
Yes, she is a model. Click
here on how she does her make-up ritual and to find out more of her videos.
With her case, I can actually relate.
I, too, had been hit by badass acne when I was in college. I had little and few ones occasionally in high school though, you know, the normal type for teenagers.
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| This was me at 13. Notice my forehead? Holy moly, don't mind my face. I look... Hahaha! |
But the worst had arrived in college.
I've been to 4 dermatologists for four-five years and still, nothing changed. It actually got worse. To the point that my Mom can't even look at me. There were days, weeks and months though that it became better or were lessened; there were days that were just gruesome and my acne was just raging mad that they keep on appearing! It affected my self-esteem because I can't stop looking at the mirror or any reflective surface.
Until I stopped looking because I can't fathom how bad my face was. I'm not a make-up fan type of girl. I'm a lippie type of girl and I'm contented with just that on my face. I don't even possess make-up skills to save my life so the girl on video, Cassandra Bankson, was very lucky enough to have a skill in covering her acne. In junior year college, when we had hospital duties already, our dean instructed us to wear simple make-up so we wouldn't look very haggard when facing patients. Well, I know how to use a blush-on and an eyeliner but that's all. When I feel like adding color, I do eye make-up (
which I don't know if it looked good, but I didn't get any weird looks from anybody at that time so maybe it was okay. Hahahaha!) But it wasn't enough to conceal what needs to be concealed. Here are some proofs:
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| 2005 was the start. 2006-2007 was probably the worst! 2008-2009 was better. 2010 was the recurrence. |
I didn't want to share this because it is too embarrassing (
but I still liked taking photos of myself back then.Yes, with a face like that! What in the freakin' world was I thinking, I know!!!)
To make up for the horrendous photos, here are some photos on miraculous days that my skin was helluva lot better.
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| 2005: Before I went to college. All the while I thought my skin couldn't take Manila dirt. 2007: Thank God my skin cooperated in time of my capping. 2008-2009: Read on below. 2010: ALLELUIAAA!!! |
As you see, By 2008, my skin got better.
Decent enough to look at. That was the time I had been to the 4th dermatologist I had. He gave me loads of antibiotic that I took for months. Being a nurse that I am, I know that antibiotics should not be taken longer than 14 days! But I didn't care because I wanted to look pleasant enough to look at, if not pretty. Eventually, I got scared because too much of the drug might not make it effective for me later on, if ever I need it for its infection and not just plainly for vanity. So I was on antibiotics on and off and just relied more on my dermatologist's injection. I totally stopped taking them by late-2009. At the same time, my acne were starting to spurt back again little by little! By mid-2010, I met my heaven's sent dermatologist. Her team was just very rigorous in cleaning my face up. My dermatologist makes facial washes and creams for her patients and that's what I used. I swear, in 6 weeks time, my face got a whole lot better (Okay, I sound like a home shopping TV ad. Haha!). It was a 6 once-a-week session actually, including that 2 once-a-week gruesome facial cleaning for me, which I will never forget. In the middle of the treatment session, she made me take Isotretinoin, an anti-acne medication which has teratogenic effects (so my doctor requires me to take pregnancy exams and sign waivers monthly) and its dosage is computed according to your body mass. (
NOTE: Isotretinoin is not an OTC drug! So you really need to consult a dermatologist about this. Your skin problem might be different than mine and you may not need to use this. However, once you start using this drug, you'll have dry skin and lips as side effects. I didn't experience any more side effects other than that but still, side effects are not one-size-fits-all kind of thing.) After that rigid weekly treatment, she instructed me to stop taking the medication and to come back only for maintenance sessions that happens every month. By early 2011, these unwanted objects were starting to recur again! My dermatologist wasn't surprised because she had a hunch even before that I have a hormonal problem. All of my dermatologists before actually said the same thing but they didn't do anything about it (
or probably I was too young to be treated 'hormonally' though). Middle of last year, she referred me to an ob-gyne, a former classmate of hers from med school. (
I told that OB story here. You can read my diagnosis there, too.)
To cut the story short, I was under hormonal therapy and my dermatologist made me take Isotretinoin again. As of now, my dermatologist instructed me to stop taking the Isotretinoin. My hormonal therapy would still continue until February though, as instructed by my OB. Since I started these hormonal therapy, my face actually got a whole lotta better. Loads. Gazillions. You can see that even on close-up. Although I have some little marks on my cheeks but I can get rid of it with Dermaroller later on. :) And some large pores which I don't know how I can make it smaller. Can Dermaroller do that, too?
I feel more confident though and I can go out now without needing to even at least use a powder. :) Ha! Dream come true. Hahaha! I know my skin will go through a lifeloooong maintenance since my problem has something to do with hormones. I might go on and off with my meds.
But for now, I'm happy with it. :)
So, to all those who has this same problem,
I have a few things to say:
1. I wouldn't be too preachy with you. Even if I tell you to "never lose the confidence" and "don't confuse yourself with the real essence of beauty," and all that positive shit, you probably wouldn't listen whole-heartedly. They are cliche advice, yes, and you need not to hear that from me.
I think I know what I am saying because I had been there myself for almost 5 years. Although I stayed positive (
and annoyed) because it's the only way to be for me (
I'd rather not be depressed, hello!) on the days that I just feel awful.
I still hold on to the idea or belief that other people might still see me for who I am, with acne or without.
2. I wouldn't be so much of a hypocrite because at one point or another, we all really want glowing, pretty skin.
So get your ass off that chair, move and get yourself treated! Go to my dermatologist -- if you're from the Philippines that is. (
Yes, plugging! Hahahaha!) Find
Dr. Clarissa Villarama-Cellona in
St. Luke's Global City or in Don Santiago Building in Taft. I still think it's better to consult a dermatologist early on and spare yourself from constantly raging acne and the tons of products out there that might actually do more harm. Ask your dermatologist what specific products you can and cannot actually use and if there's a specific skin regimen you should do.
3.
After treatment (No, not during. AFTER THE TREATMENT. When all is well.), learn awesome make-up skills through
bubzbeauty and these Fowler sisters,
Elle and
Blair. They are my personal favorites. :)
4. While you do all the prior things I said, listen to these songs to make you feel better and make you realize that there's more to us that has been covered by these cruel acne.
Christina Aguilera - Beautiful
Pink -Raise Your Glass
India Arie - I Am Not My Hair
Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Record On
Phil Collins -True Colors
Lady Gaga - Born This Way
Sugababes - Ugly
Pink - F*ckin Perfect
TLC - Unpretty
5. Lastly:
