Letter to my wandering self.

Dear Jana,

You haven’t realized that you’ve been training in Jose Reyes for almost a month already (Whew, 5 months to go. Haha!)! But then as days pass by, you seem to lack motivation already. Not that you do not enjoy what you do but it seems to drain you already. The routine work and daily stress drains you. You do and endure all of these all for the sake of ‘experience’ to be placed in your resume so you can land a job outside the country. And as days drag you by, you begin to ask yourself.

“Are you really up for this?”

“ How long will you last?”

“ Is this what you really want?”

“Is this who you want to be in the future?”

And let’s not forget to include in the stress that you’re feeling the frustrating ‘system’ in the government hospital. ‘Things’ don’t have to be that way just because it is a government hospital. In case they forgot, a lot of people are relying for their inexpensive service -- inexpensive yet with QUALITY. There’s no one to blame, I guess. You cannot point your fingers to the government for the lack of funds for it is entirely and completely pointless and there’s nothing you can do about it anymore. You cannot point your fingers to the health care providers as well. But you can point out or enlighten them and even yourself as well (Yes, including yourself, of course.) the real essence of your profession. Lord knows how stressful and hard it is to work in an environment like that, wherein materials and machines are lacking. But no matter how hard and stressful it gets, you should always keep in mind your role – your role to help and be of service to the people who needs us. That’s what you ought to do and you should do, right? And that’s the vow you are going to live by since you passed your respective board exams until you retire. I wish for you and the rest of the health care providers, regardless of the workplace you have, be it in a private or public hospital, to be more compassionate and patient and be more understanding.

Caleruega with my Girlfriends! :)

20 March 2010, Saturday

My girlfriends and I went on an adventure trip to Caleruega! Adventure in a sense that it was our first time to 'travel' without a car and our first time to have a walkathon for the lame reason that the bus conductor dropped us off in the wrong spot so we had to walk!

Di pala nya naintindihan yung sinabi namin kung saan kami bababa tapos sobra-sobra pa ang fare na siningil nya samin! Bastos. Haha! We thought of taking the trike but it's too pricey! Wag na, lugi na nga kami dun sa bus fare e. Haha. So ayun, walk-walk ang beauty namin, mga one kilometer din siguro yun? Kaloka.

Before we head to the place, we met in Tagaytay and bought lunch and some chips and sodas.

So we arrived at the place and we had our picnic, take-out style. :p

While eating, ayun, we had our catching up chismisan

and the-never-gone okrayan mode. Ano pa nga ba? Ay mali, more like inokray namin ng bongga si Ada. Haha!

Tapos hiking mode.

And picture galore, OF COURSE! :) Kapagod ang araw na yun but I had so much fun! :)

I missed my girlfriends, we haven't spent time together for more than a year!

Taken January 2009

But still the bond is there. It always has been, kahit na di na kami nagkakasama at nagkakausap ng madalas like we used to back in high school. well, since after first year high school e di na rin kami constantly magkakasama, every recess and lunch break na lang since di na kami naging magkakaklase.

Oh high school days...

It was also Chai's despedida bonding. Na-napostpone pa ata ang pag-alis dahil nadelay ang passport niya. It was our (Me, Ada, Audy and Che) uber-delayed celebration for passing the NLE. Haha! Oh well, until next time girls! :) Hope to see you soon! :) I love you girlfriends. SCCT is love. :)

Death week.

Another duty week had passed. I’m just going to spill the details of that past week in a bullet form:

• No more Philhealth Accreditation Week so we had more time to sit down and we were less tired than the prior week. Hehe.
• We handled the whole ward but we were still given specific patients to handle. We had one patient each for two days and we had two patients each for the next two days. Now, we will be handling three patients each.
• We had 5 deaths in the past two weeks, one of which was my patient. The first death was unforgettable because it was only our third day but we already witnessed a body being CPR-ed! The second death was very fast, few hours prior to admission if I’m not mistaken. The third death was also shocking. 2 groupmates and I used to take her vital signs and administer her meds then next thing we knew, she had a cardiac arrest and eventually died. The fourth death belonged to that of my patient. It was very unforgettable because of the course of the event leading to her death and it was my first time to do post-mortem care. She was fine day before her death then on the morning of her death, she had difficulty of breathing due to the pooling of secretions in her throat which was very audible when she exhales. I asked her relative to buy the medicine that was prescripted to them the day before so that her secretions can loosen up and I could suction it. The relative bought it and I nebulized the patient. The doctor came and ordered to do nebulization every 15 minutes for 3 times. While I was on my second nebulization, the doctor discussed to the relatives that the patient was already 50-50 and they have to decide already if they’re going to opt for DNR. While the doctor was explaining, I saw a tear fell from my patient’s eyes! Oh my gosh. But then I just acted as if it was nothing. Then I went back to the nurse’s station and discussed what happened to my groupmates. I had only seated for only a minute or two when the staff nurse asked, ‘Kanino si bed 39?’ And I replied, ‘Ay, akin po yun Ma’am!’ And she replied back, ‘Patay na yung patient mo di mo pa alam!’ I stood up from my seat as if my butt was on fire and immediately rushed to my patient. They checked her ECG tracing and it was flat line already so the doctor declared her time of death. I helped the Nursing Aide do the post-mortem care. 
• We did charting already. :)
• So far, the duty days were going on smoothly naman. :)

Another week that was...

I had already started my duty in Jose R. Reyes Memorial Medical Center this past week. Well, the first two days were a complete waste of time. Last Monday we had our final orientation, somewhat a pre-duty orientation thing. Last Tuesday we had our hospital tour. My first two days were a half-day event. They could and should have squeezed it on one whole day.

My bestfriend and I were supposed to meet after lunch last Tuesday but since he had a sudden ‘errand’ from his mom and he became too busy that day, we decided to cancel. After the hospital tour, instead of waiting for him, I went straight home. So I walked towards the LRT Station and I arrived just in time. The train had just stopped and dropped off people. I was about to ride in when I saw him getting off the train! Haha. So while waiting for the next train, we had a little chitchat for a while.

(L) My UERM cap back when I was a student and (R) my new cap

I used to borrow one from a staff nurse in any ward that I was assigned to just to try it, now I have my own!

My first day of duty started last Wednesday. My groupmates and I have a 6-2 shift schedule for the whole month and we were assigned in Female Medical Ward. I wasn’t surprised regarding the patient census of the ward since it’s a public and government hospital. We had a census of 47 patients that day. But it was overwhelming since I wasn’t used to handling a ward that has that amount of patients. And what’s unusual for me was inside that Medical Ward, you can also find the Neurology ICU, Neurology Ward, Oncology Ward (Mini-version actually) and Acute Stroke Unit. Me and two more groupmates of mine, we were assigned in the Neurology, Oncology and Stroke area. The next day, Thursday, the other head nurse assigned us solely on the Neurology area. Then on Friday, we were given four patients each to handle. For the first three days, we only did errands – the normal and usual routine works of a staff nurse except the charting part. I encountered different cases of disease -- weird cases (yung tipong, ‘How come the patient had that?’), shocking cases (yung tipong, ‘Sige, kinuha na lahat ng sakit’), surprising cases (yung tipong, ‘Ha? Yun yung sakit nya??’). The first three days went on smoothly. Except for the part that one of the patients in a ward died. It was my second time to see someone who was being revived. And you know what’s weird? Death will never be a casual event for me but it was my first time to witness an emergency situation na parang wala lang. A patient on a brink of death is an emergency situation but I didn’t witness a panic scene wherein the doctors and nurses were rushing, no code cart was being pushed and parang ang slomo pa ng moment na yun. I know they (and my groupmate Gerald, naks!) tried hard to revive him but to no avail, it was her time already. Working in a place like this broadens your sight or vision and your compassion and strengthens your patience because if you want to meet people from all walks of life, I believe a hospital is one of the perfect places to go to. In a setting like this, the reality of life hits you straight in the face. We all know that not all people are blessed or are fortunate, wholistically speaking. We just know that fact but the gravity of that fact won’t hit you until you see and mingle with different people, be it from your own or out of your circle. In a career field like I have right now, it will never fail to pull you out of your comfort zone and makes you realize that you really should be grateful for whatever you have right now. We often take for granted what we have right now and we sometimes fail to thank God for all the blessings He bestowed upon us.

Anyway, I can say that it was a satisfying week but at the same time it was a very tiring week also, not mainly because of the things we did but because we weren’t able to sit down except when eating! It was the hospital’s schedule for the Philhealth Accreditation so we weren’t allowed to stay much on the conference room or the nurse’s station rather we had to stay on our patient’s bedside! Gosh, my leg muscles were painful and strained from too much standing! I wasn’t (AND NEVER WILL!) used to long standing anymore. Well, even when I was still a student, my legs never got used to almost 7-hours of standing! Mentally speaking, my brain wasn’t that tired compared when I was a student. Medyo chill lang. But I really hate that no-seating part in that week. Haha! And that first three days of duty led me to a realization (which I’ll be talking about in a different entry) – I can’t see myself doing the same work until my retirement age. Why? As I’ve said, I’ll be talking about it in a different entry so let’s hold that thought for a while. Hehe. :)

A good de-stresser is a day with friends. Just when I thought the movie date won't push through, in the middle of my duty Vinci texted me that we'll watch Alice in Wonderland after lunch.

Anyway, ayun, basically we just strolled and fooled around and talked a lot. Naabutan na nga kami ng closing ng mall e. Haha!

Then on a Saturday, my college and friends and I met for Dianna’s birthday celebration! :)

I missed my friends so much! :) I have spent two consecutive days with my friends and it's a sure and best way to destress for the week that was and to recharge myself for the coming week! :)