i shouldn't care,right?in as much as i want you to set the deal,i don't have the right.but don't let me make you.i want to get away,but everytime you do that,you ignite my hope.i don't want to stay kung ganito lang din naman.what else do you want from me? i WAS willing to give my heart for you but now,i will not wait for you to be REALLY mine. don't take me for granted at wag mo naman ako pahirapan...
alam mo, kasalanan mo rin yan! hahaha. di ka mahihirapan if you choose not to... tsktsk.! wala. nanginis lang!
aray ah. sana man lang kung sasampalin mo ko, warningan mo naman ako para may option ako umilag. sapul e. and now that i'm the one who's stubborn, aasarin mo ko? can't you just support me? and for the record, i am not in pain. mahirap lang kasi it's all confusing or whatever. BASTA i can handle myself, okay? thanks for the reminder. don't worry, i won't bug you with my own shit.
i never said that you can't come to me. naku jana! i was just saying that don't let these kind of things cloud your better judgment. you're better than this or than him. it is confusing, but you'd only be more confused if you let yourself be caught by his bait. think about it. you react like this, when you can just walk away. you might be able to catch him off guard, but in the end, who really is having the harder time...
e kasi naman, hindi ko na nga maintindihan sarili ko tapos sinabihan mo pa ko ng ganyan! now i know how it feels pag pinaprangka kita. but i know you were just talking sense to me and i was stupidly defending my own actions. do you think it hasn't occurred to me that i was making myself a fool? i know i am better than this. alam ko naman na pinaiikot lang niya ko e. i so want to walk away, i just don't know how exactly. heaven, give me time please? let him hit me harder yun lang ang hihingin ko sayo. then you can lecture me later, please?
fine. ill let you figure it out on your own. yun din naman ang best way eh. im just here my friend...
napilitan ka? haha. napaiyak mo ko dun sa sinabi mo ah, bwisit ka. haha. but thank you. for letting me do this on my own. whatever happens, i'll come out just fine, i assure you that. and thanks ulit kasi i know you hate me being in this state but i trust and appreciate you for having my back when he finally and forever turn his back (or whoever) on me. and i know you know how occasionally weak i am inside, so will you be hard on me again when you have to? and kahit naman hindi mo sabihin, i know you will always be there. so thank you.
so that was my conversation with my bestfriend over facebook.
you don't have to call me stupid because i know i am. so why i am still doing this? why am i still here and seem to insist myself on him?
yes, i said that i will lose the hope in my own system. it was easy because i wasn't in love with him. YET. but everytime he appears and says these things to me, i can't help to somehow wish he really means what he said... blame me for being hopeless romantic. by now, i think or i know that he is somehow playing with my feelings. i know naman na may iba e, so why the hell is he doing this to me??
keith once asked me, 'marie, di ko naman sa sinasabi ko na totoo to, pero what if, what if pang-back up ka lang pala niya?'
ayoko mang isipin na pang-back up lang ako dahil nakakainsulto but keith raised a good point. 2 lang yan, it's either he really means what he said to me or tinutulak lang niya ako sa sarili niyang patibong.
my bestfriend's right, i can just walk away but part of me wants to stay. i want to walk away because i know i do not deserve to be treated this way. i had been nice to him. until now. when i can just really ignore him. given that what keith speculated was true at seryoso talaga siya dun sa girl, ang sakit lang... hindi ako file na gagawin mong back-up. hindi ako bagay that you can play with. don't mess with my feelings!
but i want to stay because i hope that one day he'll notice me and stop taking me for granted. i want to stay because i want to know why. i know there is a reason why he did and is doing this to me. whatever the real reason is, pinaglalaruan man niya ako or he really means what he said, i want to know it. masakit man o ikakatuwa ko. i am pissed and confused at the same time and i am near the verge of confronting him to set the deal. i want to deal with this on my own and as soon as possible nang matapos na tong mga unanswered questions because that's the only thing that makes me stay rooted in this crazy situation.
malapit na ata kita maging mahal. i wouldn't be like this if this is just a pathetic crush. and i guess i really have to expect the unexpected now huh? this will either be a disaster bound to happen or a beginning of a new love story...