I just realized that in a situation like this, we are different. Three things: One, When I say 'civil', I don't become sweet and mushy with the person who wronged me. Especially if he wronged me BIG TIME. Two, I really have a big issue with LYING and TRUST. If there's one thing my stomach and my morals could not take, it would be LYING FOR TOO LONG and LYING STRAIGHT TO MY FACE. Three, With the two things mentioned. I believe we, or rather I, all need 'space.' In a situation like this, SPACE IS NEEDED. Or maybe that was just for me.
I can't believe you were able to face him just like that! Because I can't. Really. Just because all of us talked about it, doesn't mean it's okay for him to just come here and act as if it's already okay. Maybe it's all working for you but it's not working for me that way. It hasn't been a month since that happened! There is still a lot to prove, a lot to mend, a lot to improve, a lot to process. Yes, we are all taking it day by day but does he really have to come here day by day? Is that his or your version of 'taking it day by day'? I can't stand it, really. I still don't want to see him or even look at him. I can't. My ears are stinging whenever he calls my name. I believe in giving second chances, but do we, rather I, have to give it to him NOW? I can't fathom and stomach what has been happening for the past two weeks. I don't want to speak about it because maybe I'm being unfair or mean or irrational. But at this point, I really don't care how I might appear to be because I would really snap in any second. I mean seriously, you can look at his face, hold hands with him and kiss him after all he has done? OH MY EFFIN GOSH! UNBELIEVABLE! I'm a girl too and I know how it feels to be wooed and pursued. I just hoped you did not lie to me by saying you were just 'testing the waters' because it is different from what I am seeing. Really pain in the eyes, as well. Why did I even bother hoping and believing that lie wasn't a lie in the first place? I will not be surprised if he has come back here very sooner than I had expected.
But who am I to really say those things right? You're a strong woman, you have your own mind and it's your choice to forgive him or not. My opinion doesn't really count, does it?
I apologize for what I did to you at Mass. I felt bad about it, really. But just so you know, I don't like what's happening and I'm hurt and I really can't do anything about it.
EDIT: I already talked to this person about this issue because I might die of heart attack if I will keep it longer -- okay, that was an exaggeration. Haha. Everything is discussed and released, all good. We both cried though -- for the very first time in front of each other. I felt like a child and a woman at the same time.With that, I think it brought us closer and our bond stronger. Thank God. I know this ordeal isn't over yet but we'll get there... :)