Yes, I swear it on my still-alive-still-breathing body! Haha. :)
After days of thinking it over, I realized that I have nothing to be gloomy and dramatic about. What happened was bound and was supposed to happen. Our story that never actually happened is never bound to happen. I had nothing to lose except for my heart that I took care of for almost four years. I was scared but I was willing to try and I tried. For me, that's enough and I don't regret anything. I might have risked my heart out there so what? At one point, I thought he was worth it and he is. Being worthy does not necessarily equate being together in the end. He made me happy for a while, he made me smile, he brought color into my boring days, he inspired me. He's the only person so far that made me feel that way again. I may not have his word that "It is you" or "It had always been you" but I don't care. Not anymore. The truth of the matter is, at that point of my life, he was there. Not necessarily as a lover but as a friend. And I thank him for that. I thank him because I gained a friend one way or another.
Yes, I was hurt. But it's no one's fault and no one's to blame. I have always liked him ever since and I just fell. Too bad, I fell for him. Don't take me wrong, I didn't regret that. It's just that unfortunately, my heart chose to land on someone who can't love me back the way that I do or wished him to. Sabi nga ni Zoe, "He has his own damsel to save."
Ganun talaga... :) We're not meant to be, although it feels like we are, given how 'small' the world is for the both of us... According to Jolo nga, "Coincidences. They have this way of lulling you into a state of promise wherein you think, 'Hey maybe this is a sign'."
So there, I am not bitter and I am very and absolutely fine! :) But after this drama which I believe he knew about (?), I believe our friendship will be a work in progress... I suppose. I hope.
And just when my love affair closed, a worthwhile activity opened! Yesterday while I was with a friend (I'll disclose the details regarding this friend on the latter part), my mom texted me that I got a slot for training at Jose Reyes Memorial Medical Center! HOMAYGAD. God, you are the best! You work your miracles and blessings fast, huh? So we went there this morning to pay for my training (Yeah, we paid and I will not get paid. This is not a job, just for the sake of 'experience' so I can fly away after a year if I want to.) and I'll start on February 15!!! AHHHHHHH! :)
So there goes my silver lining! :) Gee, THANK YOU LORD! :)And oh, I would have wanted to tell him the news because he used to ask me about this almost all the time, but it is pointless for me to share my good news to you, isn't it? Oh, I love you God! You define good blessing in good timing! :)
Basta ayun, I don't care anymore. I don't care about him, her, them. I don't care for him the way I used to, tamang paki na lang. I'm hoping and praying for better days. And good things to come his way pa rin. :) HAPPY THOUGHTS and GOOD VIBES. :)
"If it's not getting better, that doesn't mean it's getting worse at all. Move. Keep up the faith."
And I mentioned about my friend earlier, right? Well, my friend, from way back elementary and whom I haven't seen or talked to for 10 years, and I bonded yesterday! We met at Midtown, sat down and talked at Starbucks and a little windowshopping on the side. :) She even gave me a Christmas gift and a letter! I was surprised and I loved it! :) I missed her. :) We had a lot of catching up to do so I'm looking forward for our next meet-up! :)