17 October 2009

i am hugely annoyed at you, by you. HUGE.

Why can't you get the message? Nararamdaman mo na pala na parang ayaw kita kausapin e bakit tawag ka pa rin ng tawag? Ano ba? Nakakaasar na kasi marinig ang boses mo, I'm sorry but that's just how I feel. Nakakaasar yung pagka-masaya at pagka-mayabang ng boses mo, palibhasa nakuha mo na ang gusto mo which I think hindi mo naman dapat makuha. I so want to be honest with you and tell you to just quit calling me but I can't. Ano ang sasabihin ko na reason? Yung tungkol sa friend ko? Yes, this is about my friend and you being... Ay naku! Nakakainis ka lang talaga! I know, out ako sa issue na yun, it's about the two of you so there's no point of opening it up again and opening it up to you. Besides, I know you will never listen. I don't know what happened after that super last conversation we had about her, I have no idea what happened next between the two of you. It's not my business. It's not my issue. I had done my part as her friend. I became super honest with her that I reached the point of telling her things that I shouldn't had in the first place because I was not in the position to tell her those things. Pero pag hinintay pa kita na sabihin yun, namuti na ang uwak at nailagay na ako sa kabaong e wala ka pa ring sasabihin. Sarap mo lang saktan talaga. And you know what's worse? The final say is all up to her. And i hated it. I hated her final decision. She does not deserve to be in that kind of relationship and you do not deserve her, not at all. But what can I do? It's her life. I am just her friend. I just have to be there for her when you break her heart and lie to her face again. Mahal ka niya talaga e, nakakaasar lang kasi you seem to take advantage of it. Hay nakuuuu! You know what, eto na lang. Please, please do your part as a man. Be man enough for her. Utang na loob lang, pare please. And please stop bothering me kasi frankly naiinis pa rin talaga ako sayo. Sorry but I get the feeling na binibilog mo na naman ulo niya. And sorry pero gusto ko kayo talaga maghiwalay. Or sige, kahit to even start from scratch na lang, yung tipong paghihirapan mo yung kaibigan ko. Baka sabihin mo hindi ako naniniwala sa chance (Pero hello, you had that chance almost everytime and you keep on screwing it! tssss). Kaasar lang kasi kayo pa rin at tatanga-tanga ang kaibigan ko. But of course, sino ba naman ako para magsalita? (Baka kapag ako rin ang nasa situation, I may do the same thing my friend did. AY NAKU, WAG NAMAN PO!) I know hindi naman ako dapat makialam but you messing with my friend's feelings, that's what makes it somewhat my business! Nagpipigil lang ako so don't make me lie to you again and just don't talk to me! One more call, ay naku, tatapatin na talaga kita. Kaasar.

At alam mo ang isang pang dahilan kung bakit ayaw din kita kausapin? Naaalibadbaran ako kapag kinukwestyon mo ang pagiging bum ko! Don't talk to me as if I am not doing anything for my future career and stop taking as if you know everything! I may seem like not doing anything at all but I am doing something! HIndi lang kasi siya kasindali at kasimbilis ng iniisip mo! You don't know exactly how my life works but I do. It's my life anyway so I will do things in my own way, in my own time, in my own pace and by my own rules. I know how to manage my life. I will ask for your opinion if I have to but for the meantime, just shut the hell up! And saan ka ba nakatira at parang hindi ka aware na mahirap maghanap ng trabaho? Gahd, just stop talking to me because you are not helping at all!

Eto pa ang isa, stop pushing me to do things! Stop pushing me to do things that I am even unsure of! Are you what, my mother?! You even forgot how to be a friend to me and now you are trying to be my mother?! I know you just care but I do not need to hear these things from you over and over and over and over and over again! At this point where I am confused and trying to figure out what I really want, it's the least that I need to hear from you. It's getting insulting already and it seems like you are not listening to me at all! You are not listening to what I am trying to say and explain! Parang kinokontra mo pa kung ano gusto kong gawin! Hindi ka nakakainspire at nakakamotivate! A friend listens, advices, supports. Hindi yung parang pinangungunahan ako. Dinaig mo pa nanay ko! My mom isn't close to the level of what you are doing to me. Don't say things as if they are just super easy to deal with. Don't say things as if we were still in high school, that everything seems light and easy at napakadaling mangarap at abutin ang pangarap. Because in reality, it isn't easy. It will never be easy especially when I am too confused with what I want! And do not put me in that spot wherein parang akala mo na ang gusto ko noon ay gusto ko pa rin ngayon! See, hindi ka kasi nakikinig sa mga sinasabi ko! Tapos parang disappointed ka pa sa akin, sino ka ba? Magulang kita? At kahit magulang kita, I know I will not disappoint you because I know may mararating ako.Wag mo lang ako madaliin because I can prove it straight to your face that I can be, will be, and am somebody. I may prefer working first before studying again, I may prefer Master's degree over Bachelor's degree in Medicine, I may prefer fashion school over med school, I may prefer being a nurse anesthesist over being a medical doctor but whatever choice I make will not make me less of a person. I clearly didn't have poor options to begin with. I am not like you, I am not much of a risk-taker because I sure am thinking of every step that I am doing when it comes to my life. I get it, you may see some potential in me pero ayokong pinagdidiinan sakin yun ng ganun-ganun lang then expect na magpapadala ako sa mga sinasabi mo. Let me find that potential and realize it on my own kung totoo nga yang sinasabi mo. And why can't you just support me with what I really want?

And before I end this hateful entry, last hirit pa. Stop demeaning my chosen course or career path by bragging yours. It doesn't make yours superior over mine. It will never be. No other career will be superior over mine kasi pare-pareho lang lahat yan. Depende na lang kung nasaan talaga ang puso mo.


Okay, enough. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut. You should too, try it. HAHAHA. Oh well, hindi naman kita masisisi kung napaka-insensitive at napaka-offending mo. Well, gagawin kitang sensitive! I mean it, one more call, lagot ka na talaga sakin. haha.
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