17 October 2009

i am hugely annoyed at you, by you. HUGE.

Why can't you get the message? Nararamdaman mo na pala na parang ayaw kita kausapin e bakit tawag ka pa rin ng tawag? Ano ba? Nakakaasar na kasi marinig ang boses mo, I'm sorry but that's just how I feel. Nakakaasar yung pagka-masaya at pagka-mayabang ng boses mo, palibhasa nakuha mo na ang gusto mo which I think hindi mo naman dapat makuha. I so want to be honest with you and tell you to just quit calling me but I can't. Ano ang sasabihin ko na reason? Yung tungkol sa friend ko? Yes, this is about my friend and you being... Ay naku! Nakakainis ka lang talaga! I know, out ako sa issue na yun, it's about the two of you so there's no point of opening it up again and opening it up to you. Besides, I know you will never listen. I don't know what happened after that super last conversation we had about her, I have no idea what happened next between the two of you. It's not my business. It's not my issue. I had done my part as her friend. I became super honest with her that I reached the point of telling her things that I shouldn't had in the first place because I was not in the position to tell her those things. Pero pag hinintay pa kita na sabihin yun, namuti na ang uwak at nailagay na ako sa kabaong e wala ka pa ring sasabihin. Sarap mo lang saktan talaga. And you know what's worse? The final say is all up to her. And i hated it. I hated her final decision. She does not deserve to be in that kind of relationship and you do not deserve her, not at all. But what can I do? It's her life. I am just her friend. I just have to be there for her when you break her heart and lie to her face again. Mahal ka niya talaga e, nakakaasar lang kasi you seem to take advantage of it. Hay nakuuuu! You know what, eto na lang. Please, please do your part as a man. Be man enough for her. Utang na loob lang, pare please. And please stop bothering me kasi frankly naiinis pa rin talaga ako sayo. Sorry but I get the feeling na binibilog mo na naman ulo niya. And sorry pero gusto ko kayo talaga maghiwalay. Or sige, kahit to even start from scratch na lang, yung tipong paghihirapan mo yung kaibigan ko. Baka sabihin mo hindi ako naniniwala sa chance (Pero hello, you had that chance almost everytime and you keep on screwing it! tssss). Kaasar lang kasi kayo pa rin at tatanga-tanga ang kaibigan ko. But of course, sino ba naman ako para magsalita? (Baka kapag ako rin ang nasa situation, I may do the same thing my friend did. AY NAKU, WAG NAMAN PO!) I know hindi naman ako dapat makialam but you messing with my friend's feelings, that's what makes it somewhat my business! Nagpipigil lang ako so don't make me lie to you again and just don't talk to me! One more call, ay naku, tatapatin na talaga kita. Kaasar.

At alam mo ang isang pang dahilan kung bakit ayaw din kita kausapin? Naaalibadbaran ako kapag kinukwestyon mo ang pagiging bum ko! Don't talk to me as if I am not doing anything for my future career and stop taking as if you know everything! I may seem like not doing anything at all but I am doing something! HIndi lang kasi siya kasindali at kasimbilis ng iniisip mo! You don't know exactly how my life works but I do. It's my life anyway so I will do things in my own way, in my own time, in my own pace and by my own rules. I know how to manage my life. I will ask for your opinion if I have to but for the meantime, just shut the hell up! And saan ka ba nakatira at parang hindi ka aware na mahirap maghanap ng trabaho? Gahd, just stop talking to me because you are not helping at all!

Eto pa ang isa, stop pushing me to do things! Stop pushing me to do things that I am even unsure of! Are you what, my mother?! You even forgot how to be a friend to me and now you are trying to be my mother?! I know you just care but I do not need to hear these things from you over and over and over and over and over again! At this point where I am confused and trying to figure out what I really want, it's the least that I need to hear from you. It's getting insulting already and it seems like you are not listening to me at all! You are not listening to what I am trying to say and explain! Parang kinokontra mo pa kung ano gusto kong gawin! Hindi ka nakakainspire at nakakamotivate! A friend listens, advices, supports. Hindi yung parang pinangungunahan ako. Dinaig mo pa nanay ko! My mom isn't close to the level of what you are doing to me. Don't say things as if they are just super easy to deal with. Don't say things as if we were still in high school, that everything seems light and easy at napakadaling mangarap at abutin ang pangarap. Because in reality, it isn't easy. It will never be easy especially when I am too confused with what I want! And do not put me in that spot wherein parang akala mo na ang gusto ko noon ay gusto ko pa rin ngayon! See, hindi ka kasi nakikinig sa mga sinasabi ko! Tapos parang disappointed ka pa sa akin, sino ka ba? Magulang kita? At kahit magulang kita, I know I will not disappoint you because I know may mararating ako.Wag mo lang ako madaliin because I can prove it straight to your face that I can be, will be, and am somebody. I may prefer working first before studying again, I may prefer Master's degree over Bachelor's degree in Medicine, I may prefer fashion school over med school, I may prefer being a nurse anesthesist over being a medical doctor but whatever choice I make will not make me less of a person. I clearly didn't have poor options to begin with. I am not like you, I am not much of a risk-taker because I sure am thinking of every step that I am doing when it comes to my life. I get it, you may see some potential in me pero ayokong pinagdidiinan sakin yun ng ganun-ganun lang then expect na magpapadala ako sa mga sinasabi mo. Let me find that potential and realize it on my own kung totoo nga yang sinasabi mo. And why can't you just support me with what I really want?

And before I end this hateful entry, last hirit pa. Stop demeaning my chosen course or career path by bragging yours. It doesn't make yours superior over mine. It will never be. No other career will be superior over mine kasi pare-pareho lang lahat yan. Depende na lang kung nasaan talaga ang puso mo.


Okay, enough. I'm gonna keep my mouth shut. You should too, try it. HAHAHA. Oh well, hindi naman kita masisisi kung napaka-insensitive at napaka-offending mo. Well, gagawin kitang sensitive! I mean it, one more call, lagot ka na talaga sakin. haha.
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16 October 2009

you, him and glee.

YOU.

Two days ago, you called me. I was surprised. With all your BS, i never thought you would ever have the guts to call me again. But you did. Upon seeing your name on my phone when you called, I did not want to answer your call. For the reason of suspicion from my dad, I accepted the call because my dad noticed that it was a phone call and not a text message (What would he think if I rejected the call right?). I did not want to speak to you. Not at all, because frankly, we have nothing to talk about and I got nothing to say to you, mister. Hearing your voice, irritated me, I'm sorry (That sorry was for being rude, not for me being irritated and annoyed at you). I felt guilty for feeling that but I am not apologetic about it. I still think you are a one big piece of shit that deserve nothing of my time unless you get your act straightened out.

HIM.

I had been meaning to share my thoughts about this since that day but I was super pissed at him that I reached the point of not really wanting to talk about it, reached the point of me disliking him. And reached the point that I confessed (Oh yeah, that CONFESSION. Just a little bit of that. I'm sorry that I even liked you way back... That kind of crap. Oh gosh.) But since it has been over since what, 2 weeks? I'll dish up what happened in my rational and 'un-annoyed' state.

To cut the story short, things were blown out of proportion with him misunderstanding me, what I said and what happened that led to us exchanging 'not-so-nice' words. No vulgarities, just offending terms from him and hateful way of explanations from me. I believe I was more mad and argumentative (Ako pa, di ako magpapatalo! Lalo na kung alam ko na tama ako at wala akong ginagawang mali.) than him because he went out of the line. But since that day, I no longer want him. With that attitude, HELL TO THE NO. Even if I like him that much, I wouldn't allow him to step on me or say things to me just like that. NO. He has no right to talk to me like that. He will never be in the position to say to me things like that. He wasn't actually supposed to talk to me like that but he was narrow-minded, what can I do? I reached the point that I don't want to talk to him and I don't care if we won't be able to talk again. In a snap, the 'residual' feelings that I have for him was gone in a snap. I hated him. He said sorry and apologized but I know it was only for the 'offending' statement, not for the fact that we are actually arguing about it when frankly, we shouldn't have to in the first place. if it wasn't for his narrow mind...

Then few days after that incident, I saw him over YM. I wasn't mad or irritated at him at that point. I just didn't care. With me laying 'it' out there and him hearing and experiencing my argumentative side, I believe he hated me too. I made him shut up? (Haha) Men hate women who argue and are good in arguments (Well, sorry. I don't back down easily especially when you are hitting me below the belt). So I tried to talk to him over YM. I just wanted to know if we were okay or if he was cursing me behind my back (Haha). He replied. Had a small 'civil' conversation, not the way we usually, oops strike that, not the way we USED TO talk. I don't know if he was faking it or if he still hated me or he doesn't want to talk to me. I really didn't mind but we're okay. I think.

Then I heard he was graduating already so I texted him last night to extend my congratulatory remarks. To my surprise, I got a text message from him this early morning. I thought he wouldn't reply. It was a cold thank you message. So yeah, maybe we are okay. We will just never be back to how we were.

I thought only my feelings for you was murdered that led to its death, I guess our friendship also had the same luck.
:( Oh well.

GLEE

I had been religiously watching the show Glee and it had me wondering, WHERE WAS I WHEN GOD SHOWERED THE TALENT IN SINGING ?! Hahaha.

But it had me thinking of enrolling for voice lessons. I DO NOT INTEND TO BE A GREAT SINGER, I just want to have a voice for singing that is pleasant to the ears. Hahaha.
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and here we go again.

- An excerpt from Chris Tiu's blog -

I was kinda nervous that morning before the game because I knew that UE was a tough team that plays with a lot of energy and emotion. Anything could have happened! Once UE gets their rhythm going, they're very very difficult to contain.


I had been meaning to blog about this as soon as I had read this last week, I just wasn't able to. Took me 8 days pa. Haha.

Coming from the red tribe, this was another disappointment and heartbreak. We were wishing and hoping and praying (na kulang pa rin, obviously) to defy another expectation. Rather, we faced another disappointment and added another year to the drought. :( Yes, it is truly a question of who wants the crown more. and Unfortunately, Ateneo want it more and eventually got it...



My friends, Reg ang Gu, went in line to buy tickets early that 8th of October. Reg at around 6.30, Gu at around 8. They were actually among the first few in line. I arrived by 10.30. Sumingit ng pasimple sa pila nila. Tickets were sold to us by 12.30? Gahd. Solo pa ang bentahan! Hurried lunch. Was about to get inside when we found out THERE WAS ANOTHER LINE! WTH? Pinapasok kami by 2pm. Our legs are hurting so bad already! Dinaig pa ang pagpila ko sa prc and dfa. Hahaha. Then when we got inside, we got good seats and waited for two more hours! Gosh.

All that struggle and hassle to see our team lose in our very eyes AGAIN! For the third effin time! HAHAHA! Oh well, WHAT'S NEW?! we are the heartbreak kids right? It just needs some gettin used to. Well, we are used to that trend na pala. Pero okay na rin. no one actually expected and predicted for our team to be in the finals, anyway. This will be the last time we'll watch live! NEVER AGAIN. Hahaha. Oh well, until next season again? Oh hope, don't fail us again! haha.

CONGRATULATIONS to the ATENEO BLUE EAGLES! :)


And after the yet-another-painful-loss, my friends and I headed to Tomas Morato to celebrate, NOT THE LOSS, BUT MY 21ST BIRTHDAY (Yeah, like a month after pa diba?! Hahaha.). This was supposed to happen a day before Ondoy hit our country. It's a good thing we postponed it na rin...


MORE PICTURES AT MY MULTIPLY. (viewable only by my contacts though, sorry.)
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07 October 2009

oh men, men, men. and the BS that comes with them.

It isn't easy. Nobody said it is, in the first place. You have to make a choice. Stop playing safe because, newsflash sir, it sucks. It sucks for you and for the people around you. Stop being a stuck-up and decide on your own because you have to make a choice here. There will always be two sides and life is about making choices. MAKE A CHOICE THEN DEAL WITH IT. demmet.

it is true (a cliche, actually) that men, at some point or thought or action and somehow, are the same and they only come in different packages. some with big ego. some with more decency and politeness. some with full of crap. some with more intimate imprint. IT'S AN ENDLESS VARIETY.


but you know what, i thought that you were somehow different than them. that you were more 'level-upped'. but boy, i was wrong. you were exactly like the low and pathetic type of your kind! you have no balls to match your manhood. you have no guts. you don't have the courage to stand up for your own decisions. you don't even know how to decide actually! from what i see, you decide solely on your aggression, on your impulse, which for a man like you is totally immature and irresponsible. love isn't a game that you decide solely on impulse or what you feel like doing. it shouldn't even be based on strategies. this isn't love surprises or gifts that we are talking about, it's her feelings, damn you! you chose to be safe and to stay safe. what the hell was that?! you didn't even chose her or to be with her, she chose to be with you and that's why you are sticking with her. it's not even hers to decide upon, it's up to you because you are the guy! by now, you know very well how she feels about you but how about you, do you really know how you feel about her? oh darn, i don't even want to look at you, you pathetic scumbag! i mean what i said to you last night. one more fucked up thought, i will never dare think twice about landing my hand straight to your cheek. i trusted you to take care of my friend because i thought, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A GOOD MAN. and obviously, you weren't.
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06 October 2009

wow. hahaha.

  1. nabangga yung sinakyan ko nung umaga;
  2. nasira yung flats ko habang naglalakad;
  3. naubusan kami ng uaap tickets;
  4. hindi pala mag-cclinic doctor ko today.

WHAT A DAY! nag-aksaya lang ako ng pamasahe. tutal, nag-aksaya na rin naman ako, itodo na. SHOPPING! woohoo! ;p
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